Avoided going into Covid political discussion at a family party. What is the point? You can't argue with them without taking the whole family down with you. It's hard to brush aside certain family comments sometimes. "He's our dog now," for example. Struggling with conflicting feelings about my family. The life of an adult. You have to focus on the good. I need more time for my reading and writing, but I often find myself helping others. How can "when is there time for me" not come off as a selfish plea? The sad realization yesterday that our relationship will never be the same. Maybe I will meet someone new. How it will affect my kids is the central concern. In the Dollar Store yesterday I didn't want to buy my kids any more toys. They have so many toys they don't use. Places like that make me depressed because I hate consumerism, but sometimes people need to buy things. We're on this train of destroying the earth and there's no getting off. Here comes the fire season again in California too. You have to focus on things you can control. I need to run and start meditating again. I have some great books. Now I just have to read them and incorporate the teaching ones into my practice.
Why does the loud win out? Something women have been saying for centuries. I just have to be confident in who I am and not compare myself to others. I don't want to get in that trap of tearing other people down to feel better about myself. It's hard to feel sometimes that no one truly loves you, but then I think my kids do. They miss me. How long will that last? Enjoy it now and don't worry about the future.
No comments:
Post a Comment