Day 2. Still trying to say something that matters. Who am I? The kids are watching Peppa Pig and Dinosaur King. I'm deleting articles off of my computer that I'll never read. Why does writing matter so much to me? In what form can I make a mark? I'm not sure what to do for the rest of the year in Film Studies. As a class, we've watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Night of the Living Dead and now Better Luck Tomorrow. The rest of the time has been taken up with students presenting films from Edgar Wright's list of 1000, the Female Gaze list from BFI and now three films or tv shows of their choosing. The presentations have been interesting. I need to read the writing from their projects and give them feedback. That is always the hard part of being an English teacher; figuring out a way to give them feedback that is valuable and that spurs them on to revise. 

I will be teaching Summer School too. We need the money. I enjoy Summer School. The students have a concrete objective and this motivates them. How to make school more relevant to students? 

Life is returning somewhat to normal. 39% or so are vaccinated in Santa Clara County. G and I had an interesting conversation during the study hall period about politics of identity overreach. A teacher at school had a tense relationship with a student for months because of the use of the word "negro" in Frederick Douglass. G had used the wrong pronouns when identifying a student. He had mentioned a skin color when thinking of the old Crayola skin color and been called racist by his students. One comment that veers away from the students version of right and wrong can be a death sentence in their estimation. It makes you gauche. It makes you a reactionary. Human beings make mistakes. Human beings are racist at times. There are different versions of racism on the spectrum. Motivations are important to measure. Is it a repeated pattern or a slip of the tongue? I think of the Minor Feelings essay about Korean-American girls who have Valley Girl accents and dress like cholas. Cultural appropriation is verboten right now but there is a beauty in taking good ideas and making them your own. You're not trying to make a buck off of it you're just trying a new look. 

There is no purity. We've come a long way in putting some white liberals on their heels, but the white supremacists go on as before. 

I like these poetry creative writing prompts. The students were not familiar with the sonnet end line rhyme scheme. I must have explained it ten times and they still didn't understand the alternating rhymes in the lines. The AP students take their exam in two weeks. Have I pushed them hard enough? I would have left many behind, but maybe the more advanced students would have benefitted from a more rigorous pace. 

Less and less children living in San Jose because families cannot afford to live here. Schools will have to combine and close soon. Will I make it through my career before that happens? How long will I go on teaching. I enjoy it. Mexico is too unstable to retire there. It would be a difficult transition for the kids, but I guess this would be the moment to try. C has put so much into her education and career here it would be a shame to leave that behind. 

If I can keep up this routine what will come out of it? When I have been able to write regularly, ideas do come to me out of nowhere and I get in a writing groove. 

My parents are retired? Being retired during Covid far from any family. Are they bored with their lives? What can they do to occupy their time? What can they give back to their community? Nobody wants to be waiting to die. You want a purpose no matter what stage you are in your life. 

L is staying with us. It's nice to have him back. I don't know how much longer he will live. 

Back At the Writing Game

 I'm going to try to write something every day. We'll see how long I can keep it going. I am back in the classroom teaching Latino Literature, Film Studies, AP Literature, and 10th Grade English. Some students are in the classroom with me and some students are at home. I'm always saving articles to read later that I never read or buying books that I never read. I like to buy books about writing more than writing. It's such a challenge to sit down on put my thoughts on paper or on a screen. I enjoy it afterwards though. I can't really think of a better use of my time. All the commitments of the day slip away, but the fact that I wrote something sticks with me in an important place where I define myself or aspire to be better than I am. Writer's were always praised and admired in my family, and if there is one superpower that I'd want besides being able to live forever it would be to write well. To have a unique style of writing and looking at the world. What is the unique viewpoint that I bring? I am a 43 year old white heterosexual male who speaks Spanish and is married to a Mexican woman. I have two young kids. I want this country to be more just. To live up to its ideals. 

I enjoy connecting with students. Helping them to improve their writing. Suggesting books that they might enjoy. I like conferencing with them about a piece of writing they're working on. This year I haven't had many long range plans for what I'm teaching. It's day to day and trying to find what will engage them. For example, in Film Studies I couldn't figure out a way to show a movie to everyone, so I had students teach movies and tv shows and show clips from Youtube. It's been fun to see what their passions are. I tried to read Fences with my AP Literature students yesterday, and the students at home couldn't hear it so I just ended up reading it to them myself. You have to be flexible and able to adjust on the fly when the technology doesn't cooperate, but that is a school a teacher needs for teaching in general. 

I still worry about humans destroying the earth and killing all the animals, but I have given up trying to do anything in my daily life. The problem feels too big. We are on a ship or a train that we can't stop. Capitalism. Rapaciousness. We can chip away at the inequalities and we should, but they have been building for so long that they will never be dissolved.