1st Day of Summer Session 2

 Here we are again. The first day of another session of teaching students. I'm excited. I don't know what to expect. That's what makes it exciting. As always there is so much going on in my life. I'm trying to be the calm in the storm. I didn't sleep well on Saturday night but I slept better last night. I did wake up a few times from dreams and didn't know where I was or if something was trying to invade my room. I asked S if he would allow me to tell a story and sing a song instead of read the Pokemon book because Daddy was tired, but he wouldn't budge. He is stubborn. This quality can serve him well her be his undoing at times. Like any characteristic we all have. C hasn't slept in a week. I haven't been able to look her in the eye lately. I am still angry at how things worked out, but I don't blame her fully because I know I am to blame (if that is the right word). We couldn't bridge our differences. Is it over? When I look at these profiles of people they fall into categories: nature lover, dog lover, artist. People have tattoos and piercings. They wear a tremendous amount of makeup. So many of them are unattractive to me whatever they put on. I am grateful that I found someone I found attractive to spend so much of my life with and to have two beautiful kids. It was fun to see P. To see the joy in his life and the challenges. That is the meaning in our life in the end to share intimacy with someone along the way and give and receive from someone when they need you or you need them. P was a shoulder I needed on that no one else would give me. I didn't have anyone I could talk to that wasn't compromised by their loyalties to her, and my parents were not giving me what I needed. I don't know that I trust them for wisdom about life experiences. I do appreciate their unique point of view when the Mexican view of life is all I have around me. The Mexican view of life is that you have to sacrifice everything of who you are for your family, but what does that leave you with if nothing of your self remains. Children, or at least the children in C's family, are given everything and does this deplete the adults beyond repair?