Will I take that leap? Will it hurt my kids? Will my kids recover? Is it the right decision? What is love? Am I capable of love? Is anyone capable of loving me? I don't feel it from my parents. I feel it from one brother. The other brother is distant from my life. I don't have any friends. The family members that I socialize with have so many of their own complications that I can't reveal my own. Covid has put a wrench in some family interactions because you have to either take the side that it's real or that it's a Democrat/government conspiracy to destroy business. That's it's been exaggerated. That universities are fabricating studies. There's no bottom to this conspiracy. Whoever is controlling all this is very smart! I put my own thoughts aside for the most part to keep family relations civil. I'm always doing this. There comes a point where you wonder if you should stop putting your own thoughts aside and speak up no matter what the cost. Especially because they have my dog.
Moving in again in June. We'll see how the goes. I don't know where we stand or how I feel. I'm still hurt about what I've been accused of. No one can ever know the true nature of that. Besides my brothers and her sister. I'm a people pleaser and I avoid conflict until it boils up so much that I explode. There is a resentment that can set in if you're always the one bending over backwards and making compromises. On the other hand, in those instances where I was honest I do wonder if it was worth it and sort of regret it afterwards.
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