Day 2. Still trying to say something that matters. Who am I? The kids are watching Peppa Pig and Dinosaur King. I'm deleting articles off of my computer that I'll never read. Why does writing matter so much to me? In what form can I make a mark? I'm not sure what to do for the rest of the year in Film Studies. As a class, we've watched The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Night of the Living Dead and now Better Luck Tomorrow. The rest of the time has been taken up with students presenting films from Edgar Wright's list of 1000, the Female Gaze list from BFI and now three films or tv shows of their choosing. The presentations have been interesting. I need to read the writing from their projects and give them feedback. That is always the hard part of being an English teacher; figuring out a way to give them feedback that is valuable and that spurs them on to revise. 

I will be teaching Summer School too. We need the money. I enjoy Summer School. The students have a concrete objective and this motivates them. How to make school more relevant to students? 

Life is returning somewhat to normal. 39% or so are vaccinated in Santa Clara County. G and I had an interesting conversation during the study hall period about politics of identity overreach. A teacher at school had a tense relationship with a student for months because of the use of the word "negro" in Frederick Douglass. G had used the wrong pronouns when identifying a student. He had mentioned a skin color when thinking of the old Crayola skin color and been called racist by his students. One comment that veers away from the students version of right and wrong can be a death sentence in their estimation. It makes you gauche. It makes you a reactionary. Human beings make mistakes. Human beings are racist at times. There are different versions of racism on the spectrum. Motivations are important to measure. Is it a repeated pattern or a slip of the tongue? I think of the Minor Feelings essay about Korean-American girls who have Valley Girl accents and dress like cholas. Cultural appropriation is verboten right now but there is a beauty in taking good ideas and making them your own. You're not trying to make a buck off of it you're just trying a new look. 

There is no purity. We've come a long way in putting some white liberals on their heels, but the white supremacists go on as before. 

I like these poetry creative writing prompts. The students were not familiar with the sonnet end line rhyme scheme. I must have explained it ten times and they still didn't understand the alternating rhymes in the lines. The AP students take their exam in two weeks. Have I pushed them hard enough? I would have left many behind, but maybe the more advanced students would have benefitted from a more rigorous pace. 

Less and less children living in San Jose because families cannot afford to live here. Schools will have to combine and close soon. Will I make it through my career before that happens? How long will I go on teaching. I enjoy it. Mexico is too unstable to retire there. It would be a difficult transition for the kids, but I guess this would be the moment to try. C has put so much into her education and career here it would be a shame to leave that behind. 

If I can keep up this routine what will come out of it? When I have been able to write regularly, ideas do come to me out of nowhere and I get in a writing groove. 

My parents are retired? Being retired during Covid far from any family. Are they bored with their lives? What can they do to occupy their time? What can they give back to their community? Nobody wants to be waiting to die. You want a purpose no matter what stage you are in your life. 

L is staying with us. It's nice to have him back. I don't know how much longer he will live.